Strain

I know that it has multiple meanings, but I cannot hear the word, “strain” without thinking about a happy or angry dog barking loudly from the very end of a stretched chain. Our dog is 85 pounds and is very excitable if he sees someone approaching his house when he’s tied to it. No matter what else he has wrapped it around, he will bounce and run as far as his chain will allow if we come out toward him while he’s hooked up to it.

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Wolves are just happy puppies at heart, right? Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I can see everyone feeling exactly like that as states reopen and people (hopefully cautiously) emerge from this state of isolation and fear. There are those who flock to the bars and are so grateful for human interaction that they throw caution completely out the window on the drive there. They’re the excited chain-pullers.

I also see people claiming that their constitutional rights are being infringed and they don’t have to listen to the restrictions that the government is placing on them. Those would be the ones that are growling and spitting, ready to attack as soon as that chain breaks.

I can’t say that I’ll be out at the bars any time soon. I know that it is not illegal, but I also know that it is dangerous to everyone I love, not just my parents, in-laws, and grandparents who are all in at-risk demographics. I can’t think about venturing out where people are without thinking about the long-term effects some young adults have had who have contracted the virus, or the distressing numbers of younger medical staff who have died, or the disturbing images of children who will suffer heart problems for their entire lives.

This situation gets me thinking about the parable of the two wolves (which is not apparently a Native American story, but created by a minister in 1978… maybe) since there are two desires within me. The story is about two wolves within each of us that are pulling in different directions – one toward empathy and one toward anger, I believe – and the takeaway is that the one who wins is the one you feed. My two wolves would be extroverted and introverted.

I want to go out and see friends and enjoy life and celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and life. My mother has said a few times that the first people that you should make plans with are the ones that you’ve been wanting to hug. But I also want to just stay home, safe, until there are NO cases. I don’t want to risk even the slightest idea that I could get someone sick. I’m not as afraid that I would get sick, because even though it sounds miserable, the likelihood that I would survive it is pretty high, complications or lasting health problems aside. I am afraid of being sick and passing it on to other people, people more likely to die.

woman in face mask shopping in supermarket

It’s almost safe to come out. Maybe. Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

So the one that wins is the one I need at the moment. Do I need the bravery of emerging in order to go to the grocery store (where people too often don’t wear masks or follow the suggested direction arrows)? Am I leaving my home to take care of essential business? Or am I finding new ways to make old dinners because I don’t have a few of the ingredients? Am I digging through my stash instead of ordering the exact right color of yarn for a project?

We have at least two directions we can take this and neither extreme is going to help us over the long run. Please don’t let the relief of opening up cause us to forget who we’ve been being cautious for over the last couple of months. If we all forget our COVID Manners, this whole thing would be for nothing and we’ll likely be back at this for several more months.

But holing up in your house long-term isn’t going to be healthy for anyone, either. We’ve got to carefully re-emerge and support our local stores, restaurants, and businesses so we can keep the community that we have through all of this. There are a lot of things stressing people out these days, and paying the bills is one of the largest.

There is a middle-ground, and we can cautiously let out the lead on each wolf as we need it until the leashes aren’t needed any longer. Don’t let them strain at the leads until they break, but don’t hold them too tight, either.

And please, let’s not go with ‘Strainer‘ – the sieve effect, when everyone goes overboard running in all directions and gets stuff everywhere.

Saving

Even before we were stuck at home, My family has been cleaning up and cleaning out. It’s like the first peeks of springtime sun spurred us to think about what we don’t need. We started thinking about what is salable in a rummage sale, something that we’ve been talking about doing since we first moved into this house ten years ago and we have finally gotten organized enough to try.

man wearing long sleeved top

Our pile isn’t quite this big, but it’s not finished yet!    Photo by Patrick Cristobal on Pexels.com

So we started to look at what we have stashed in the shelves in the basement that we haven’t taken out in years. I’ve been ‘curating’ my closet for a while, feeling like there are too many clothes that I was saving for a different size or a different occasion. After once through the kids’ clothes, we had another two boxes of clothes to try to sell. We had a good collection of things piling up in the garage that we knew we weren’t going to need any longer — toys, clothes, appliances, and random electronics.

And then the world stood still. We’re not sure when or if we can have a rummage sale. We’re not even sure if it will be safe to do when they tell us it’s legal to have a sale.

So now we have piles of stuff right behind the garage door, and more that we have been meaning to haul out there. We have a dining room table that we’d like to remove and replace, as soon as we can unbury it from the detritus of everyday kitchen. But the energy and push to get everything together and ready to sell has disappeared. Without a date and the certainty that we will be holding a sale, our focus has been allowed to slip to other things.

If you check out social media, however, it is full of pictures of newly cleaned spaces. People who are home more now than they ever have been are finding the time to bless their environment. Since they’re home staring at it, they can’t ignore the pile of random ____ in the craft room that they’d intended to sort through two years ago and then look around to see that if they just clear out that cabinet, maybe the stamp stuff would fit in there and be easier to organize and then the shelf the stamp stuff was on is clear and…

These pictures, my own garage, and my more-spacious closet have all gotten me thinking. Where does all of this stuff come from? I must have wanted/needed it at some point. I acquired it however long ago for a reason and I kept it because…?

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Not even close to as many as I have…

One point that this is particularly noticeable is my storage container cupboard in my kitchen. I have a selection of the glass tubs with the silicon lids that were in vogue for a while and are still an eco-friendly food storage solution. Somehow, I don’t have enough of them in a particular size, however, because I still end up reaching for the plastic containers that I have stashed everywhere in there.

That’s what illustrates my point. We live in a small, rural area, so the recycling plant will literally only take two numbers and everything else gets thrown away. As a result, I tend to save those containers that would be thrown away (I’m not usually conscious enough to not buy the food that come in THOSE containers so I have fewer to get rid of), and as a result of THAT, I have… billions. I have yogurt containers. I have sour cream containers. I have cottage cheese containers. I have lunch-meat boxes. I have empty salsa jars (another thing our plant won’t recycle). The sheer number of containers is overwhelming. Especially for my cupboard.

Where did this propensity to save come from?

Okay, my mother has been spending the last few years obsessed with ‘tiny house’ and ‘minimalist’ YouTubers. She also always has a new box of things to bring me every week that she’s clearing out and I can, “feel free to give away” if it’s something I can’t use. I can pretty clearly identify where in my life the thought, “But you might need that someday” comes from.

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Beautiful clothes, though!   From needpix.com

But as a society, where did this idea come from? The current crisis that we’re all living through is reminding us of the last time a pandemic shut down our society, and then lead into The Great Depression when so many people didn’t have and couldn’t get what they needed. We’re focused on the, “Roaring 20’s” and the excesses of the time period that lead so many to go the other way, becoming puritain in every way that they could control. Prohibition was a reaction to the results of the elite having too much and the lower classes having too little. So many people were trying to push forward and bring more equality to our world, but there were just as many people pushing back and trying to maintain the status quo.

I know that voice. I can hear the voice being echoed through the generations, my great-grandma to my young grandma, my grandma to my young mother, and I remember hearing my mother when I was young. “Don’t throw that away, you can use it again if you just wash it. You know how many of those are still in the landfill? Do you know how long those take to break down?”

We’re all a product of our Grandmother’s generation. It’s easy to see that we are the products of our generation. It’s easy to see the influence of our parent’s generation. But it is so often difficult to sort out the products of those generations so long ago that we barely knew the people who lived them. They peek out of our psyche in so many quiet ways that don’t call for a lot of analysis. They’re part of ‘just what we’ve always done’ or seen as tradition by the time we get them.

And while some of them are beautiful place settings for all of the family meals or a talent for fibercrafting, some of them are an overfilled storage container and holding onto the clothes that we don’t wear because, “Well, maybe this summer…”

What’s your ‘overfilled storage container’ project? Who can you trace it to? Comment below.

Now excuse me while I go sort plasticware.

*Deep Breath*

I would love to say something funny and insightful this week. I really would. But next week is finals week and I have to grade.

So if you’re looking for funny and insightful, I recommend several amazing blogs:

So Why is this SO Difficult?!
and welcome to it!
An Autoethnographish Endeavor
Home of Aelwe, Base3, and Fantastic Thoughts…
Enjoy! Like! Follow! All that stuff.
Stay Well!

Suspended

Full disclosure: I am NOT a planner. At all. I have been forced into this role because I’m a mom. If no one plans anything, nothing happens.

Plan to be happy today!

Okay, so everyone has SOME plans. Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

So why is it so dang hard to NOT have any plans? To feel so – suspended?

Again, I should probably qualify that. I have plans for what I’m posting in my online classes and I have plans for what food I want us to eat up. I have plans for the things without which my entire family would crumble into a hungry pile of toys in the middle of the living room if there wasn’t a plan for it.

But it is certainly throwing me off to unexpectedly not have the schedule that we’d kept up since January. I was thinking I’d have one week of spring break, then a couple weeks later, the girls’ spring break. After those short breaks, however, we’d be right back to the busy life of a family of four. I was looking forward to those breaks, but thinking I would still be stressed enough afterwards that I would be counting the weeks to June 2nd.

I am the home-est of homebodies. My ideal would be at least a week’s vacation each month. Three weeks on and one week off is reasonable, right? I was excited that one of my two classes this semester was scheduled online. Sure, it’s a lot more prep work, but it’s prep work I can do sitting on my couch.

And yes, I am so thrilled to be able to spend time with my kids and husband, doing the ‘together’ things that we haven’t been able to with school and work going. Of course I’m knitting like crazy and might actually catch up on the projects that I’ve been wanting to finish since last summer.

Hooray Essential Workers!

Thank you to all of the essential workers who are making sure that society is safe and functioning! Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

And I certainly understand that I am lucky that I don’t have to make plans. I know many families that are keeping their schedule basically the same, with the difference that kids need to find a family member or close friend to stay with so the parents can still go to work. Essential workers don’t have the luxury of staying home. Or, society doesn’t have the luxury of letting essential workers stay home. (We are incredibly lucky to have those essential workers and we certainly need to appreciate them more than just saying ‘thank you’ on social media a hundred times a day. Like, appreciate them monetarily and give them benefits. /rant)

For the rest of us, though we’re suspended in mid-jump, not sure when we’ll land. Just having our expectations disrupted is disorienting; we were used to how our lives ran. Some among us celebrate changes and some can’t think about changing a routine without getting dizzy, but most of us are somewhere in between. We understand the principle of ‘life is change,’ but we have daily exercise routines and weekly swim lessons.

When we’re out of those routines, we’re likely going to feel lost or like we should be doing something. I know I’m not the only one who has felt guilty about staying sick at home because people are counting on me to be at work. This is like one long sick day (or trying-not-to-get-sick-day, I suppose) and we’re all feeling like people are relying on us to DO something, but we can’t.

What we CAN do is find ways to keep up from home. I’m still working, although from a distance. We’re working on schedule/routine surrounding the new model of school that the girls are doing, but we also want to make sure we still get outside when we can. We want to enjoy the sunshine not just from our couch next to the sliding glass door.

Pretty planner!

Not Kayla’s planner, but inspiring, anyway! Photo by Bich Tran on Pexels.com

If not having a schedule is giving you hives, then make a schedule (especially if you have a snazzy planner that you made like my sister-in-law)! If that is how you and your family function, then find activities that everyone can do and stick with it. It will certainly help everyone feel normal even if there isn’t any ‘normal’ to be had. Daily yoga should not be dropped, maybe just adjusted to fit the space between the TV and the coffee table. You can’t bring the kids to play on the playground, but most parks have lawn space that would be perfect for a game of tag or catch. It’s not silly to keep to a schedule through all of this if it helps keep your family happy and safe.

All this said, I’m two and a half weeks from the end of the school semester and SO ready for the real summer season to begin. Maybe then I can let go of the feeling that I should be doing something.

Stay safe, stay well, everyone!

Situational

If you have been following my family at all, you’ve probably noticed that we’re all putting our energy back into our creativity and especially getting together our internet presence. We’re all appreciating the time home with our families, and we’re finding the energy to do what we love, too.

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Computers are one of the most frustrating tools we’ve invented. Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

As part of a conversation, we were having (over Facebook Messenger, no less) my mother was struggling to get her announcement onto her blog. I gave her a signal boost and she thanked me in a self-deprecating way saying, “I am not worthy.”

It struck that she was being unfair to herself. She was feeling inferior to me just because I could navigate Facebook better. This is a program that I’ve spent at least five times as many hours on as she has (and that’s a low-ball estimate). I’ve used multiple devices and different versions of apps for it and she’s mostly used the online interface. Add to that the fact that they just updated the layout again and it’s no wonder she was struggling to find the post she wanted to promote.

Why would she feel lesser for that difference in knowledge? I thought about myself and the things that I don’t feel I’m good at. Do I really blame myself for the knowledge I don’t have? What is it in our upbringing that makes us feel like we should automatically know everything about anything we want to do? Or makes us feel like we should know everything about things we’ve never wanted or needed to do in the past?

Would you blame your 4-year-old for not knowing how to make dinner? Would you blame a psychology professor for not being able to do brain surgery? Would you blame yourself for not knowing that a particular noise in your car means that you need to take it in to be repaired before the computer short-circuits?

Before you blame yourself for a lack of knowledge, ask yourself if you’ve needed to know it before and where you might have learned it. We’re all situational, but we’re too quick to blame ourselves for things we don’t know. Tell yourself, “I have something new to learn!” not, “Why can’t I already do this?” Try to make the conversation, “Who could I learn this from?” and not, “I could never learn how to do that.”

Which step have you reached today?

Motivation can be a big boost up those stairs

If the thought of learning new things intimidates you, I have a couple of suggestions. I have met many people who were nervous about learning new things, or whose last attempt at something didn’t go well. I have also met a lot of people who were confident in their ability to learn something. Of the two types of students, the ones that succeed more often are the ones who are worried. If you’re nervous, you’re more likely to pay attention and get things done on time and right the first time.

If you had a hard time learning something in the past, I suggest that you look at how you tried to learn it and see if there is a different way. Maybe you have trouble learning from a book and that online teacher basically assigned chapters and gave you quizzes for the whole semester. Maybe you have difficulty retaining things that you’ve only heard and the lecture was always on something different from the book. Maybe you just didn’t have the energy or brain space to take an advanced class in aerodynamics and you need to revisit the principles when you’ve got more time to spend on it.

What if instead of blaming ourselves for not being able to do the things we wanted to do, we realized that it’s something new to learn? More education, less self-indictment. Learning how to re-do things or do things a different way is part of it, too. Maybe you can’t do what you always did, but maybe you still can adjust the process. You might need a magnifying glass and a light to do the delicate crafting you used to do. Or maybe you can still do a larger version of that craft. Maybe you need new tools to do what you used to do in a slightly different way. Don’t be afraid of the learning curve, be excited that your skill vocabulary is expanding.

One of the ways that we can treat ourselves is to learn something new and exciting. If you’re not entirely sure you want to dive in, just go take a look at a YouTube video or a set of instructions and see how you feel about it then. If you need direction on where to look for such things, drop me a line in the comments and I’d be happy to help.

Your situation may vary!

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